Sunday format or spiritual post

Hello all, how are you on this wonderful Sunday? I meant to write earlier in the day, however, it didn't happen. I have decided that I will be doing my normal random blog  Monday through Saturday and on Sunday will be for the Lord. Sunday's blog will either be a commentary on the sermon I hear in the morning or random thoughts about the Lord since Sunday or Saturday depending on your faith is the day to rest and to honor Him.
   Today the sermon was on John 3:1-15. Being born again in His spirit as the Lord desires us to be. I have been a believer in faith for a long time, however, I have not been a very good on acting on that faith. Believing is more than just having faith that God is there and going to church every week. As one of my favorite singers Keith Green said "going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going into a McDonald's makes you a hamburger". It is actively accepting His Spirit and seeking His will in our lives and being a reflection of His love and spirit and basically loving Him to pieces.
   He was with me as a child and teenager when I felt alone and unlovable; if not for Him I would not be here today. As a grownup I became self centered and blamed others for my problems instead of going to Him for guidance. Here in my 50th year I know that I have failed and wonder how He can love someone like me; and I found the answer: because He loves me, the weakest of the weak and as the song goes "He isn't finished with me yet".
   This is not a pity party please don't get me wrong. I feel that I have failed because I have not reflected that love to others in my life. What am I doing to show His love?
How can I believe and be so afraid to reach out to others or fear groups? I signed up for a Bible study that I am chickening out on again; people scare me badly.  There are days I still feel like the person I was as a child; a leper that people run from or avoid. This thinking is not from the one who loves me or my very, very loving family. It comes from the evil one who wishes to see failure not success. As a re-dedication of my life to Him:
I have taken up a challenge this week from my Pastor that I hope will help me overcome my fear that maybe I am not doing His will and that I hope you will try if you are not a believer or feel a need for renewal.
I will pray:
"God if you are real; please prove yourself real to me"
Instead I will be changing it to "God I know that you are real, please point the wsy and help me to change" I have been trying for months , however, I forgot the vital component: prayer and action; to make me a kinder , more loving person and not a SLOB or LAZY anymore ;p Okay at least less slobbish and lazy each day.
I love you all very, very much and hope I have not scared you away.. If I have I will not take it personally. And again this talking about my beliefs will only appear on Sundays. The rest of the week I will be my same goofy, weird, boring self.  Please know that you are loved my friends. Tomorrow is another day or more precisely Monday...May you have sweet dreams and find what you are seeking along the way this week..Until tomorrow...